For The Love Of Lycanthrope

This is just a little story I had fun writing… So grammar and typos weren’t exactly on the top of my list but it still made me laugh while writing it and I hope  it will make you guys laugh a little ( slight giggle?)


 Two brothers born into the world as humans only to be changed into werewolves by a man named Banks to take refuge in a large manor with other changed characters. In the eyes of other’s these two brothers would be seen as Light and Dark, Completely different with different priorities. Dante is in love with his wolf side and attempts to find a way to stick it, permanently. Whereas Jace is in love with a human girl named Annalisa and desires human form more than ever and has even found a witch doctor to remove his wolfism, permanently, of course. Dante does not agree with Jace’s choice in priorities, and attempts to persuade him to stay a werewolf. By any means necessary.


There is nothing like the forest under your paws; the leaves breaking under your weight, the wind silencing the noisy breach of the broken leaf for your stealth.

As you hunt, you feel invisible, invincible, deadly and kingly like an Alpha should. No one can take this away from you without a fight. No one would dare try to steal my rightful position.

Except Banks, of course, he made me, he’s the Omega.

Banks- my father gave me the opportunity to take this rank from his right hand. Betrayal, maybe? I wouldn’t call it that. I would just call it- “Giving to me what was meant to be mine”- nothing wrong with that.

That is why I understand completely why he didn’t give it to Jace; that would have been the death of the pack. He was too weak- feeble minded. He was too…human.

And naïve if not foolish.

He shames the pack, in my own personal opinion of course. I would never share this opinion with Banks, that wouldn’t exactly end in my favor. Not that Banks would kill me, he just loves his little Jace, like his own flesh and blood. The blood part is actually an accurate analysis describing our relation. Neither of us were made the way pups are usually made. We mate but we are sterile. Banks found Jace and me. The way it works here: you either bite or your transfer blood…wolf blood-into the human’s veins. They are both dangerous and I myself would probably never try it on a premature infant like myself, at the time. I wouldn’t have changed Jace at all, though.

He was a mistake in my eyes, or- out of sheer pity- some hopeless kid left behind by uncaring parents.

Jace should have stayed behind.


God, I never want this to end.

I never want to leave this moment.

I don’t want to change…

I want to stay here, with her.

Those eyes… her eyes… are like magnets, they just keep drawing me deeper in to those shocking blue eyes.

Her soft hands caressed my cheek, her eyes unfaltering.

“I love you, Jace, but I can’t keep waiting for you like this,” she said to me, “I can’t keep wondering and wondering where you go for weeks-sometimes months without even saying goodbye. Jace. Jace?-listen, I’m not breaking up with you, I’m just letting you know that this needs to stop. I can’t handle it.”

She’s talking about my leaving, after I shift.

Something I cannot control.

Something I hate.

I never wanted it and I wonder why Banks even bothered to change me. I would’ve been happier with two legs for the rest of my life.

I refuse to let the tears well up in my eyes, as I prepare to lie to her again.

I can’t keep doing this either…

“I know… and I’m sorry.” I said, “’s complicated.”

Just forcing the words from my mouth was a challenge, lying to her was like slowly drawing a blade up my forearm creating a large gash.

I needed to be cured.

Was that even possible?

Annalisa sits across from me in the booth of our favorite diner, Tate. Yes that’s actually the name of the diner; Tate.

Her hand was still on my cheek when I answered her but her eyes were filled with disappointment. She wouldn’t understand if I told her the truth. Would she?

I don’t want to take the chance and find out.

I just needed time to find a cure for this…this thing. I just don’t want this, I never did and I never will.

I just want her.


This is a bad day for me.

I’m human, for one. And Jace is nowhere to be found.

“Banks!” I called.


Was I the first one to shift?

Did anybody live in this house anymore?

“God! now I have to do the laundry.” I groaned

“Oh! No you don’t!” yelled a familiar yet irritating feminine voice. “You are not touching my underwear, ever again. Don’t think I don’t remember the last time I caught you with them.”


Okay, this is not what it sounds like. I was merely glancing at the fantastic lace work and intricate seams.

“That… was an accident.” I said with what little dignity I now had left.

“Yeah-sure-whatever just don’t touch my clothes again,” she said, “I’ll do my own laundry.”

“Fine by me.” evil bitch.

She glared at me as if she read my mind.

And I wouldn’t be surprised if she had.

“Oh, by the way, where is Jace?” I asked evil bitch.

“He went out with Annalisa.” she said nonchalantly, which pisses me off, actually, because that girl is the worst in my book… too clingy.

I sighed and pushed my fingers through my slightly matted blonde hair.

“Thanks” I muttered.


I went outside and kicked over a trashcan.

“Whoa whoa, sup with you, man?” said Tyse. He was made about a year after Jace and me. And I felt that he deserved it way more than Jace did.


“What is it now?” he asked with false exasperation.

I smiled a bit at the joke.

“He’s out with her again.”

Now it was his turn to go dark. He hated the relationship more than I did now.

“Dammit! I thought you took care of that.”

“I’ve been busy.” I said.


I smiled again.

“I found something big. That’s all I’m saying.” I chuckled.

“Nah nah that ain’t right. You got to tell me something.” He had a point, though the point was mute to me at the time. I just needed the details to stay close to home.

“I’m looking for a way to stop the shifting… in wolf form.”

His face was blanker than a sheet of paper.

“You want to stick the wolf…”

I nodded slowly, a grin creeping wide onto my face.

“That’s crazy-impossible actually. How exactly were you planning on doing this?

“That… I cannot tell you.”

“Because you don’t know-”

“I know enough to- wait… he’s here.”

We both turn around to see Jace skulking up the drive. His posture said pitiful; his expression said hopeless.

“Have another fight?” I chuckled lightly.

He grimaced and shook his head.

“I just want her…to understand.” he said quietly.

Now my face went blank.

“You’re not telling her.” said Tyse.

“I don’t think I’ll have to.”

“What are you talking about?” I said.

“I found… a witch doctor not too far from here. She thinks she can help me out of this…this thing.”

Tyse and I both bristled.

“That thing was given to you… in all intense and purposes, he didn’t have to give it to you. You were made for this pack and the members of this pack are grateful for what they were given.”

“I never asked for this and you know it, Dante.” he said, he was shaking, not out of fear like I would have expected, but out of anger. Bravo, Jacey.

“It doesn’t matter if you asked for it, Jace, you wouldn’t be here if he didn’t do it.”

He pinched up his face and shoved passed Tyse and me into the house, and slammed the door.

“It’s the bitch.” I growled.


“Kill her?”


“Just a thought…”

“Stupid thought.”


Why does it seem like so much to ask for?

I just want to be human, lead a human life.

Why is that so difficult… so despised by them?

I took my hair out of its ponytail and let it free. I felt restrained when it was back.

I felt the need to call Annalisa, but, somehow, I knew she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I dumped my body onto my bed and mused.

I was an eighteen year old werewolf…against his will. What do I do?

Obviously witch doctors were frowned upon, but Banks…maybe Banks would understand. Maybe somehow he would hear me. Let me go to the witch.

But the thinking about him, and the witch’s remedy, I felt like I was betraying him.

Dante was right about that part: he didn’t have to change me.

But he did.

And it saved my life. But this life is not me, the woods the hunting the pack itself was pointless to me. And the ranks were ridiculous. This world is not a world I want to live in.

A world without Annalisa.

A world without Annalisa was impossible to live in.

I need her more than I need this pack.

She’s full of love and beauty… she loves me for me despite my sudden shifting.

The shifting she doesn’t know about.

I want to keep it that way.

I never want her to know about this thing inside me. This monster.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Come in.”

It’s Milan.

“Hey,” she said. “I… heard what happened… outside. You know you guys aren’t exactly subtle? Needs some work.” She tries to chuckle a little; lighten the mood. But my mood is too conflicted.

“I don’t know what to do, Milly.”

Her gaze is sympathetic, that’s what I like about her. She “gets” things no one else bothers to understand.

“You know what to do, babe, you just need to…”

“Stop being a coward?- yeah I know.”

“You’re no coward, Jace.” she said. “If you were you would’ve listened every damned thing that bastard down there said to you.” then she looks away; combs her fingers through her hair. “I never asked for this either…I don’t have what you have to think about but- I don’t want this. Don’t get me wrong I love Banks and Jade…she’s like a mother to me, but this isn’t me. For one: I hate eating deer, it’s gross. And two: I feel violated. All these wolves in my head… it’s just not right.”

“Jade would have a field day if she knew this you know.”

She chuckled again more freely this time.

“Yeah… I know, but it’s the truth.”

“And the truth shall set you free…or bite us in the ass.”

We both laughed and agreed to this statement.

“Jace, why don’t you just tell her?”

“Do you think she’d believe me?” I try not to yell. “She wouldn’t… she said she loves me but I don’t think she would if she knew.”

“I think she would.”

“Do you want to tell her?”

She looks at me as if to say that I am an idiot.

“Okay never mind, bad idea.”

“Uh huh.”

I smile up at her.

“You have some way with words.”

“Oh I try.” she feigns humbleness.

“I’m sure you do.”


I don’t think I can do this anymore.

It’s too hard!

“One more, Lisa! Come on! You can do it.” Shouts my mother on her hands and knees bombarding my personal space.

We have been work out buddies for three months four days a week, and it is not fun. At all.

“Thirty!” I struggled to breathe and fall flat on my back as tackled my thirtieth sit-up.

My mother shakes her head and clicks her tongue.

“You need to work on those, thirty is not acceptable.”

“It’s… acceptable… when you…you’re being screamed at… in the process!” I said… sort of.

“That’s no excuse, darling. An eighty year old could easily push fifty.”

“An eighty year old on steroids!”

My phone rings and I jump up to rush for it.

It’s Jace.

And all the dread I felt before comes back, filling me sadness and disappointment. The hurt.

“What is it, Jace.” I said, not quite in a questioning tone.

“I need to talk to you.” He said in his sad little voice.

“Are you going to tell me-”

“I- Anna… can I come over?”

“Fine.” I close my phone before he gets the chance to say anything else. Anything else to excuse the inexcusable.


I nod.

“I’ll get started on dinner then. Give you two some privacy.”

I just nod my head again. Too afraid to say anything. Too afraid because I might cry, again.

This feeling so totally wound up in my chest just aches with the idea that Jace is cheating on me. I know he is. It couldn’t be anything else. Unless he was dying-but I wasn’t going to think about think about that. That hurt more than the cheating theory.

There’s a knock at the door, which makes me start.

I go to open it and of course it’s Jace.

I make sure my face is completely blank.

“What do you want to talk about?”

He peers over my shoulder and sees my mom rummaging around in the kitchen.

“Can you come outside…”

I sigh and step onto the stoop.

“What is it?” I asked exaggeratedly.

He shoves his fist into his pockets and rocks back and forth on his heels.

He looked tired and…scared almost. The cool winter air makes me regret coming out without a sweater at least. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by the cold. Then again, he has on a big black windbreaker and fingerless gloves. His long dark hair is pulled back into it’s usual low ponytail. Framing his face nicely and making his beautiful green eyes pop. Almost animal like are his eyes, but they are wonderful to look at, either, human or other.


I wait, trying to get him to hold my gaze. He keeps looking away. And I give up.

“Look, just forget about it. I gotta go.” I said after what felt like hours after watching him roll around on his heels.

He grabs my wrist before I can get to the doorknob.

“I’m a werewolf, Anna.”


“Does that boy ever stay in this house?”

“He went to see his girlfriend, Dante. I’m sure if you had an inkling of a heart yourself you might have one too and wouldn’t be around so often to wreak your disgusting havoc.”

“That was an accident!”

“Never said it wasn’t.”

I need to get out of here. I need to shift and I need to shift now.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” said Milan.

“Who’s the pervert now?”

“You know I can’t read your mind in my human form.”

I should just…not talk to her… anymore.

“I’m outta here.”

“As well you should be.”

I throw invisible knives at her with my eyes and head out the door.


No peace… there is no peace in this form.

God I am so agitated. I just need to get into the forest and I’ll be fine. I’ll be good.

I’ll be close enough to good…

“What, Tyse?” I sighed.

“Whoa, somebody needs a good shift.”

“Yeah. What do you want?”

He smiles a bit before shaking it off.

“Milan told me Jace went to go tell his girlfriend… the truth. Everything.”

I’m sure my pupils dilated because Tyse backed away from me.

“She’s a gossip queen, you know that.”

“Milan?-uh as much as I would love to agree with you. She’s one of the straight ones around here.”


“My words exactly…”

I blow out a gust of internal air and scratch at my scalp. Nervous habit.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know yet… do you know if he’s still going to the witch?”

“He might… Most likely. Why?”

I grimaced.

“That…That is not going to work for me. I need to carry out this plan quicker than I thought.”

“What plan?”

“The plan that will instill our wolf form.”

“I don’t think anyone wants that…”

I glare at him.

“That’s the only way to keep him in the pack. That damn witch might kill him if she does what I think she’s going to do.”

“Wolfs bane…”



“Uh Yeah.”

“Does he know the risk in that?”

“He’s Jace…”

He thinks about it for a moment.

“Okay what do you think we need to do?”

“I don’t know… I’m not sure how much time I have.”

We pace around each other. The snow underneath our feet crunching with every puncture of our steps. The wind picked up making the air a blast of freezing breeze. Like knives attacking your face. The night sky overshadowing the wood not too far from the manor lies still; stiff with unmovable thick branches.

Then it hit me.


Tyse stopped pacing when he heard the word.

He turned to me with a look of half astonishment and shock.

“That could go both ways, D.”

“I’m willing to take that risk.”

“But she’s not!”

“Oh… you don’t know that. She might like the idea of joining her mutt mate in the woods on all fours.” I grinned.

“That’s too crazy, Dante, you could be faced with a murder.”

I look at him, thoughtfully.

“I’ve done worse.”

I saw the gasp from the wisp of fog that floated around in front of his mouth.

“Alright, Tyse… In or out?”

“Do you know how dangerous that could be!”

“Do you know that she wouldn’t be the first for me?”

Ah another shocked look from the big guy.

“Did you…”

“It was unfortunate.” I said nonchalantly.

“Jesus, Dante.”

“Not even close. Now… in or out?”


She may have fainted when I told her I was a werewolf; she may have fainted when I shifted.

In front of her.

I don’t know.

I nudged her cheek with my nose.


I hear myself whimper and I try to will her awake with my nonexistent subliminal messaging powers.


I sigh.


Her mom.

“Lisa, are you okay?”

Jesus. Talk about bad timing.

I reluctantly leave Annalisa there, on the stoop, and dash into the near by wood around the side of the house. The snow feels almost like under my paws as I run buoyantly over the snowy plane.

“Oh my God! Lisa!” I heard Ms. Valour scream.

I wished I could have stayed with her, but it would’ve looked bad. And I probably would’ve gotten shot. This is, after all, Scarlet, Maine. People around here tended to let off a few rounds if they were frightened.

Or bored.

I try make my way…anywhere.

Anywhere but here. At lease until I shift back.

And I don’t know even when that will be.

I look into the sky and see a half moon. Not full.

So why did I shift?

Maybe it won’t last as long.

How did I not notice it before? It seems an awful lot to miss on a black night like this.

I run out into the street by accident and a stranger in a car honks at me. Swerving around my large frame and back into it’s proper lane, they continue to speed down the street like thieves.

Jesus, anybody know how to use a break anymore?


Stupid mutts never know how to stay out of the streets.

I was just forced to swerve around some dog to save it’s stupid life.

God, teach these animals some common sense or take ’em into your bosom.

I sat alone in Jade’s old little Honda. Without Tyse. He seemed to think it would be “ridiculously effed up” if I transferred my blood into Annalisa’s.

Yes of course it might kill her. But it may also save my damn brother. What choice did I have? Banks always treated us like twins, losing one would be like losing both and that might take my rank away. And I was not going to let Jace take the pack away from me all because he wanted a little booty. No!

I worked for that damn spot- killed Bank’s best friend for it, I am not giving it up so he can be with some chick. She’s probably a blonde. I know it…she’s a blonde.

I noticed my grip was a little tight on the stirring wheel, making my knuckles turn white, and my speedometer was well over the actual twenty-five mile speed limit.

But I didn’t care.

I just needed to find the girl.


I feel like Bella Swan from Twilight.

Except my boyfriend doesn’t sparkle and I don’t have a speech impediment.

He is a werewolf, though.

That doesn’t happen…ever!

He must have been lying, or joking, or-or something. That just isn’t possible.

“Lisa, do you want some water, sweetie?”

“No, mom, I’m-I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry for working you so hard- I didn’t think you were so out of shape.”

“It’s okay, mom, just- can you give me a minute?”

“Okay, honey. I’m really sorry. I’ll make your favorite peach cobbler for dessert.” She skips out of the living room, literally, and into the kitchen to make the blessing in a dish.

I lounge lazily on the couch listening to my mother toss and turn and stir around the kitchen. I can’t stop thinking about Jace.

On some level I feel like he was telling the truth.

I had a weird dream about a dog poking at me with it’s nose.

Was that even a dream?

There is a knock on the door and I shouted my notice that I would answer the door.

I open it a crack.

“Oh my God…”

A grin so… messed up is aimed towards me and slight black eyes with a hint of red bore into my own bright blue ones.


It was him…Jace’s brother. I knew he was… different but not much so, or so…literal.

His grin only broadens with the panic I hadn’t even known was there nor did I know I was capable of producing.

He was so handsome in devilishly beautiful way: short Blonde hair spiked at the tips and a bit of stubble.

“What’s wrong? Am I not suiting your expectations?” he asked me with feigning his hurt feelings around his cheeks; very tall… lots of muscle.


“Dante?- yes I am. I see Jace has told you a little bit about me…” He cocks his head to the side…like a dog, his eyes roam over me, violating me with his gaze. His eyes grow darker and his grin falters as he steps into my house, backing me into the narrow hallway, before closing the door behind him. “What else did he tell you?”


Premonition (1# Trainwick Series)

Premonition is a fairly old story I wrote some  months ago, but I decided to share it with you guys anyway. This is the first installment to my short story series “Trainwick”. It follows the life of an English girl who apparently has the power to see visions. Premonitions to be more specific.

I already have the second installment but I’ll post that another time and let you guys breathe this one in.

Here is the Summary (which, to be honest, I am very bad at writing):

Luna Trainwick has her first premonition involving a woman named Ada Pembrooke. But things do not turn out the way they should have and Ms. Pembrooke ends up meeting her inevitable doom which later turns into an unexpected surprise for Luna when she finds out she can see ghost as well.

If you knew some one was going to die; knew when and where it would happen; who it would happen to, but not why it would happen. Would you save them?

Save a complete stranger from what probably would have been their timely death?

Could you watch it happen right before your eyes and live with the guilt that was bound to come with it?

I couldn’t.

But I let it happen.

The woman was middle aged with salt and pepper hair, thick knowledgeable brows, tiny gray eyes and a full pouty mouth.

She was a beautiful woman but her eyes screamed lonely and forgotten. Her countenance lacked happiness. So cold and empty. She wore a long black dress the reached all the way down to the floor with a large lacy top hat perched atop her crown. She held a black umbrella in her pale hands as she strutted down the lane as only a true English woman could.

Her name was Ada Pembrooke; a British woman who had been residing in London, England, for over three decades.

Her whole life, actually.

Ms. Pembrooke has had the same routine for twenty years. Never a minute too late or too early and to be late (in her case) was never excusable. She treated tardiness like a sin and early arrivals as if they were unnecessary and selfish; other wordily known as a slightly less presumptuous sin. Which is all the more reason why she made such an excellent schooling teacher. She was as stern as leather whip.

I never knew this woman…during her living moments. But she has shared a great deal with me in her afterlife.

That is another thing; I was not aware- until after meeting Ms. Pembrooke- that I could see ghost, let alone, speak to them. I assumed it to be because I had seen her fate the night before it happened.

I had a vision.

My first premonition.

It was like having a nightmare. A very real nightmare where I could feel everything: the coldness of a bitter winter breeze; the sting of icy raindrops; the smell of patrol as cars drove up and down thoroughfares, through gritty fog and back again, too blind to see any traveling pedestrian; I felt a sudden chill- the sort of chill that has nothing to do with cold.

I felt the chill of death all around me.

I’ll never forget that chill.

I had the vision the night I had been tempted to run away from home…again. Running from my home- out into the night- circling the block, passing the old Clock Tower, and crossing over Thames. I sat on the walkway tasting the cold night air on my drying tongue. A few clouds- here and there- blanketed a very large moon with thick gray threads. The wind blew through my long white hair, my dress – though very heavy- danced with the wind a slight itself. It was very late at night, hardly a soul walking these dark dismal streets. The lights of the Parliament were all dark and dear old Ben chimed as his needles signaled midnight.

That is when it happened.

Black feathers; first one, then another. Then dozens floating in circles around me I caught one as it floated past my face and I could see that it was a Raven’s feather. There were hundreds now- floating all around- dreamlike in a way that seemed to try and force its way into my conscience. Dark clouds swirling around me in a twister of thick fog. Then everything- the Parliament disappeared and in its place I saw a long street. There was a fierce storm pouring rain down hard on every English head that wandered. There was darkness framing my vision, focusing my eyes on a pale woman holding a large black umbrella and pinching her face against the freezing rain. I could barely see her through the thick mass of fog blanketing the street, probably the whole city as well, and cars were flying up and down the street as if oblivious to the fact that it was too foggy to see even a foot ahead of the vehicle. It was very easy to spot Ms. Pembrooke, though. She was the only person with darkness hovering around her body as she navigated the walkway unaware of the thick ominous mist about her. She looked left and right as she prepared to cross the street. She never saw the truck speeding up the lane closing in to deal her death.

My vision started to blur as the truck came nearer to the woman and it seemed to be picking up speed to the point where it seemed as if the driver meant to hit her.

The driver blew his deafening horn but it was to late.

I never foresaw the truck hitting her because the premonition faded out at the last second; the sound of ear piercing screams being the last thing I heard before I found myself sitting on the walkway across from the Parliament. The feathers were gone and the large clock read twelve-oh-five.

‘Only five minutes?’ I thought, surly I could have sworn it felt more like thirty.

I picked myself up and started back towards my domicile, I was suddenly frightened about being out so late in the night by myself. I followed my earlier route back through the empty streets, past the Ben, and onwards towards my sanctuary.


The next day I woke to a chill that rushed through my veins, down my spin, and to the tips of my toes. My eyes were soar and my fingertips were white; as white as my hair, maybe whiter. I attempted to sit up in my bed but my back was painfully stiff. I felt like I belonged in a retirement home. When I finally did get myself out of bed I slowly made my way over to the mirror that hung over my dresser. My skin looked pasty and was sticky with drying sweat and my hands were shaking. But what really got my attention were my eyes!- they were a bright fuchsia around the irises. They were originally green! I nearly screamed in terror after I saw them but I stopped myself with a shaky hand over my mouth. I froze for a few seconds to make sure my parents had not heard me. It was quiet so I let my hand drop and tried to hold back the urge to panic.

“Luna, it is nearly time for school!” my mother called. “Come- come, darling, we wouldn’t want you to be late…again.” The final word she said with a lot less enthusiasm.

I promptly sought out a pair of my darkest sunglasses, swallowing the panic that I had just minutes ago nearly let entice me enough to scream ‘Bloody Hell!’ to the top of my lungs, and quickly threw on my uniform. At least as best as anyone could throw on such thickly layered attire such as this blasphemous dress! I had to put on a thick black dress with frilly white sleeves, wrist cuffs and neck lace and so many strings to tie I had to have my mother help me unless she was kind enough to tie them for me beforehand and there was a large silver cross embroidered somewhere below the knee of the dress. Not that I have a problem with the cross.

When I had my knee-highs laced up ( which, in my opinion, really throw off the entire rig) I snatched my sunglasses off my dresser and put them on to hide my eyes.

“There you are,” said my mother, as I rushed from the hall into the kitchen “Wait! Aren’t you going to eat your breakfast?” She was scrambling eggs in her old black skillet and I saw bread toasting in the oven.

“Uh- no, mum, I’m not really hungry.” I said; keeping my eyes averted and slowly backing away towards the door. “I promise I’ll eat lunch later!” And ran out of the house before she could say her usual “Have a nice day!”. My father’s car was gone so I assumed he already left for work which was just lucky for me because that gave me one less parent to avoid.

It was pouring rain outside this morning; not quite a storm but one seemed to be rapidly approaching. I rushed to school because of this, and I had left my umbrella at home in my haste to escape. My back had stopped hurting after I got dressed but it was still stiff enough to slow me down.

I took a side street that I hoped would shorten my route and I ended up on a street that I was vaguely familiar with.

I had this strange feeling as if I have walked down this road countless times before. I shrugged it off and easily made my way to another side street that led to the road I was looking for. A small chill passed through me as I continued on my path to school.

The classes, the teachers’ chastise, the prejudice gossip all seemed to breeze by in an empty wind. I hardly noticed any of it. I was too busy worrying about my eyes and predicting which teacher would scold me for wearing sunglasses in their class.

So I invented a rather fine scheme.

Thankfully I did not have to use it until third period.


“Miss Trainwick,” said Professor Duggen, “you know students are not permitted to wear accessorized dark glasses during chemistry lesson. Please remove them.” His voice was as plain as paper but he looked at me as if I were some bloody animal preparing to wreak havoc.

I stood there for a minute. Clearing my throat before I announced my excuse.

“I’m sorry, Sir.” I said, making sure that my tone sounded faint and pitiful. I knew that my skin still looked pasty and that supported my lie, making it seem more presumptive. “I have an awful migraine and the lights- the lights are just too much.”

Duggen glared at me for a few more seconds before he let out a long exaggerated huff.

“I suggest you make your way to the nurse.” he said dryly, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. I was sure I had probably caused him to have his own headache.

I snatched my book off the counter and rushed out of the class.

My vision blurred and I saw a flash of a woman standing in the rain; that darkness clouding around her was so thick it was hard to believe she could not see it herself. I had to stop in the middle of what used to be the hallway. “Used to be” because the hallway was no longer there. Only black feathers and the darkness cloaked woman standing in the rain under her umbrella. She did not move, though, like she did in my last vision. She only stood there. Staring at me with black eyes.



Her eyes were gray.

But they were not gray this time. They were a shiny black. So shiny a black, they were, that I nearly mistook them for marbles.

She stared straight at me with a look of disdain and pity. My heart started to flutter an unusual rhythm as the truck started speeding its way up the lane. Pembrooke smiled a black toothed smile at me before she started making her way to the middle of the street. In the middle of the truck’s lane. All the while she walked she was staring at me with that hideous grin on her face.

The truck sped up the lane and…vanished?-at the same time the truck would have hit Pembrooke.

The woman stands there laughing at me as the truck dissipates into thick white steam around her.

My vision fades out quickly and I find myself back in the empty hallway.

The whole school seemed silent- other than my breathing- it was eerily quiet.

A massive ball seemed to drop in my stomach then, and I started to feel horribly nauseous. I ran to the nurse’s office and threw the door open without knocking first. I rushed through the office to the bathroom and dry heaved over the toilet.

“Oh… dear, “ said Mrs. Wellcot, she had been the nurse at my school for as long as I have been there, “Miss Trainwick, what is the matter with you?” I hardly ever had to see the nurse. This was my third visit in the three years that I had attended the school.

I kept heaving for what seemed like nearly an hour before I could speak again.

And even then I came up with the most absurd excuse.

I smiled up at her and said “I’m fine.”

The woman looked at me as if I had gone mad.

I did not blame her, actually, because I probably had.

“Luna,” she says after a brief moment of impenetrable staring, “I think it is best if you go lay down on cot for a bit.”

I let out a short groan.

“Mrs. Wellcot, I think I should go home.” I said, feigning a stomach cramp. “My mum will come and pick me up.”

The nurse stares skeptically at me for a moment before nodding her head.

“Fine, I’ll let the principle know you are taking leave.”

I smile wearily up at her and slowly get to my feet. That part was not particularly feigned because my limbs were stiff again.

When I was on my feet I took my cell and flipped it open as if I were about to dial my mum. I smiled at the nurse and left. Closing my cell as soon as the door closed.

I rushed out of the school in pursuit of my curb near Thames.

But I was stopped by this awful scream.

It was as if it were in my head. Ear splitting with an echoing fade. I pressed my palms to my ears but that did nothing block out the shutter-some noise.

I swore and started running again in a useless attempt of escaping the screams.

I ran back the way I had came from home and found myself back at the street that seemed so distantly familiar. I stopped at the curb looking for my way.

A storm had begun some time around one o’clock. There was so much fog I could barely see where I was running. I could not see the street I was looking for and the rain was so heavy it fell in drops the size of cricket balls.

There very few things I disliked about the city but one of those things was that whenever there was thick fog it covered everything. I was surprised there were people out driving and rushing around the walkways running last minute errands.

I scanned the roads and allyways as well as could despite the fog corrupting my vision.

Then I saw her.


And it was as if time slowed down, she was walking out of a little market with a tiny black bag. She stopped to tuck it into her large handag.

My blood froze, literally, frozen in my veins. My body numbed and I would have fallen if I had not leaned against a dirty brick wall.

Ada Pembrooke strutted up the street aiming in my direction. She did not look at me, I was not a personal being to her as she was to me. The rain had somehow managed to soak Ada quite a bit, she stopped a moment to adjust her hat and skirts at the curb of the walkway.

A black feather flew past my line of sight on her and after it past I saw it.

The darkness.

It nearly swallowed her whole, that was how thick it had been.

She looked left and right as she started crossing the street and I wondered, ‘how come I had not called out to her?’, surly she would have heard me and stopped just seconds before the truck would hit her. But I could not, it was amazing. I could not find my voice I saw the truck grow near. I could not feel my limbs enough to run at her.

I could not cover my ears before the truck hit Ms. Pembrooke and I heard the crack!-of her neck breaking on impact and forced into the air.

I could not cover my eyes as she landed only inches from my feet, eyes wide open, as blood slithered down the corner of her mouth and eyes.

I stared at her. Muting the screams that were now bursting from those who had witnessed such a horrible scene.

I looked in her eyes. They were black and shiny and black smoke floated out of her mouth. For a moment she looked like just that. A creature of darkness. But after I blinked the darkness was gone and I saw the woman lying in a broken pile of bones and skin.

I remembered something just then as I looked at her.

She looked at me.

Right before the truck hit her. It was like she sensed me. Her eyes gazed deeply into mine from where she was standing she had to be at least ten yards away from me.

But she looked. Time slowed around us and her mouth fell open in a little o, her eyes began to widen as she started to turn away.

Then it hit her.

When my mind seemed to finally process what happened, I felt my legs give away and a different blackness blanketed my vision.

I fainted.


“Wake up!” I heard, the voice sounded far away. “Wake up, Girl!” this time the words were hissed at me and she sounded louder and closer.

My eyes reluctantly opened and I saw a cat standing over me. When my eyes where wide open the cat hissed and ran away.

I guessed that my eyes were still fuchsia and my glasses were gone.

So much for my disguise.

“Finally!” I heard her shout and I nearly jumped out of my skin when Ms. Pembrooke appeared as if from the air itself. “You have been out for quite some time, Girl.” she said smoking a translucent cigar and casually blowing out smoke as if it were not odd that we were talking.


“Ada. Please.”

I sigh.

“Okay. Ada.” I said, emphasizing her name in a way that unintentionally sounded rude. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you.”

She looks at me with that disdainful expression she had in my second vision.

She takes a long drag off of her cigar and blows it out again after a moment. “It wasn’t your fault.” she scoffs, “stupid Girl, what makes you think YOU could have stopped it!”

She seemed so much more pleasant in my visions.

“I saw it…before it happened.” I said slowly.

Her eyes grew wide for a second then, as if it meant nothing to her, she shrugged it off.

“That would explain why you were staring me down like a mad woman.” she said letting out a bitter laugh when she finished.

I looked at my surroundings: it was dark and I was lying on the walkway across from the Parliament; there were no passersby along the sidewalks; Big Ben read three thirty-five and I could feel my stiff legs again.

“How did I get here?”

“Why I carried you of course!” she said as if it were the stupidest question she had ever heard.

“Carried me? But you’re a ghost.”

She tossed her cigar into the river and glared at me.

“I don’t need you to tell me I’m dead, Girl.” she hissed. “I know perfectly well what happened to me.”

I saw her lower lip tremble and her eyes grew shiny with tears. “You couldn’t have done anything to stop it.”

But I knew I could have.

I let her cry for awhile before I tried to talk to her again.

“I had a vision it was going to happen,” I said, “I knew what you looked like, what you were wearing, when it would happen, how it would happen… but I didn’t stop it.” I felt my own eyes well with tears and began to sob after I realized how terrible a person I must sound like.

Ada floated over to my pitifully slouched self and gently patted my back. Her hand was so cold it chilled my spine.

“Dear Girl, don’t ruin yourself over a stranger’s death-”

“It was my fault!” I shouted jumping to my feet. “I could have stop it! Why can’t you understand that!” I was screaming at her to the top of my lungs.

She looked at me with the blankest expression and almost out of nowhere she clopped me clean across my cheek.

“Selfish Girl!” she bellowed. “I die and you turn this on yourself as if you were the only one who was impacted by this? I am the one who is dead you STUPID Girl! I am the one who’s cats are going to starve to death!” It looked as if she had grown ten feet tall as she yelled at me. All the while the darkness circled around her and her eyes grew black and shiny.

Then suddenly she was back again.

She sighed as she shrunk back down to her average height.

“If you want to prove yourself so badly,” she whispered, “save someone else. In my place; save them the next time you have a vision.”

I was shocked at hearing this.

‘Did she really think it would happen again?’ I thought.

She stared at me expectantly.

“You will do it, girl,” she said darkly, “or I will NEVER forgive you.”

She glared at me once more before shaking her had and turning away from me to watch the clock.

I just realized that my dress was heavily soaked and wondered why no one- at least no one leaving- had bothered to carry me to dryer quarters. It had stopped raining and I was dreadfully cold. I would not stop shaking and I was sure I was so white I could be easily mistaken for a ghost myself.

I thought more about what Ada said; it didn’t seem unreasonable more so impossible. I did not know if I would ever have another one again any time soon. And if I did what it were not a premonition?

‘Oh! Listen to me wishing desperately for premonition!’ I thought, feeling so disgusted with myself I did not know what to do.

After a moment of thinking I clear my throat to get Ada’s attention.

She turned around to look at me, a hint of annoyance in her expression, she blinked her eyes wide at me as if to say “what do you want?”.

“W-what if I don’t have another vision?” I asked.

She stared blankly at me for what seemed like forever.

“Then I shall stick around until it happens.” she said simply.

“But…what if it never happens?” I persisted.

She smiled and said, “Then I think we shall have plenty of time to get to know each other…very well.”

I swallowed hard and continued to stare at that mischievous smile plastered on her face.

“I don’t suppose you will have second thoughts about this?” I asked warily

She shrugged as she scraped at her already spotless fingernails.

“Well it’s not like we made a blood pact!” I shouted. I was panicking. I was still unsure if anyone else could see her. “Did anyone see you carry me here?”

She looked up at me and grinned some more.

“No, Girl.” she said. “I cloaked us quite well enough that no one even noticed the unconscious fool dangling in my arms.”

I gritted my teeth.

I had taken her word for it but I was losing my patience when it came to her insulting me.

“Okay, fine.” I said

“What do you mean “fine”?” she said, she looked rather taken aback by my forward rudeness. “Did you think you had a choice? Stupid Girl, I have bound you to me with my request! You have no choice.”

My mouth dropped open in a large O. I could not believe what I was hearing.

“You…bound me…”

She smiled.

Her smiles were starting to look more and more wicked with every smirk.

“I am not leaving until you save someone,” she explained, “in place of my own demise.” she scoffed at me before she continued. “I think it would do you a lot of good…Stupid Girl.” the last two words she spat at me.

This woman was going to create hell for me if I did not have a premonition soon. I did not think I could live very long with her without first wanting to hang myself.

I swallowed the urge to cry again.

“How old are you, Girl?” she asked.


She smiled ingenuously

“Well aren’t you a young one.”

I nodded losing the desire to argue with her about whether or not I am considered “young”.

“Well then…what are we doing out here at nearly four in the morning?”she said. “I’m sure your parents are frantic with worry! Come along!- let us be off.”

She linked her arm together with mine and pulled me along with our arms connected. I reluctantly let her drag me home while she was humming a Japanese tune I was unfamiliar with.

“By the way,” she said between hums, “did you know your irises are pink?”

Never Shall There Be Remorse

Hello my fellow WordPressers and followers and subscribers and… um other random people who happen to catch sight of this post 🙂 Here is another story I have written. This one is about forgiving your past with no regrets (or remorse) and just living your life- moving forward with the past lessons your have learned and with gifts in which you received from it. Here’s the synopsis! I hope you enjoy it!.

Emily Travis, a young fifteen year old from Montana, becomes impregnated by her not-so-nice boyfriend and in turn is abandoned by him at a local motel in Idaho after they planned on running away together to elope in Las Vegas.


You know how at least once in your lifetime you meet someone who is not-so-good for you but you can’t help but love him because-because he actually sees you? The kind of guy who would gladly leave you for any other girl who was the slightest bit prettier than you?The kind of guy whom your parents totally disapprove of  because he’s covered in tattoos and piercings and hides a hooka in the backseat of his car for “emergencies”(of course my parents didn’t know about the hooka part), and of course the fact that he was six years older than me. I’m surprised they didn’t lock me up in a basement somewhere until I was forty. I don’t know why I let myself fall for a guy like that. Maybe because he said he loved me? Maybe because I was a rebel and I never really listened to my parents when they told me I couldn’t see him. Either way, I made a mistake. But I’ll never regret my mistake.

I don’t even really think of it as a mistake.

More like a blessing… an opportunity.

The best thing that ever happened to me.



One year earlier…

“Shh! Stop they’ll hear you!” I said giggling while Jason tickled my bare waist.

“You stop…” he said, so slyly and seductively holding me close as we sat in the backseat of his old red Camaro. He had lit up his hooka while we fooled around wildly close to my parents’ trailer. Jason liked things dangerous and risky and so he would park the car close to my trailer in order to“spice things up”when we would fool around.

“If you keep doing that we’re gonna get into trouble!” I said in between squeals and giggles.

“When you gone let me take that pretty little flower a yours, Emmy?” he said close to my ear. He had a bit of a southern accent for someone who lived in Montana and it didn’t quite go with his pale face and tattoo invested skin and his pierced ears, nose, chin, lip, tongue, and eyebrows. When I look back now I don’t really understand why such an eccentric fellow tickled my fancy. He wasn’t all that handsome, and he wasn’t all that nice.

When I looked into his eyes as his hand went to undue the zipper of my shorts I saw a twenty year old man, hungry, not for my heart, but for my body and the sacred place that had never been touched- never been seen by uncorrelated eyes. I saw only a greedy boy who wanted to take my virginity. And, for some reason, I didn’t mind. I let him touch me. I let him whisper in my ear the things he so desperately wanted to do to me. I let him utter words of love even though I knew they were lies.

I gently touched his chest to push him away.

“I can’t do this now, Jason.” I said, my buzz wearing off ever so slowly as I spoke in a dreamy unfocused tone, “Do you even have protection?”

He looked at me, an expression of confusion at first and then it turned sly and deceptive as he leaned in to kiss my neck.

“We don’t need no protection, Emmy.” he said in between kisses. “You know if you ain’t on your period you ain’t gonna get pregnant.”

Now before you assume that I am an ignorant teenager eager only for the pleasure of manhood, that is not the case. I was high, and I was, in fact, a tad bit aroused, but I was also exhausted… yes I know it’s a pathetic excuse and you would probably be better off believing that I had been drugged against my will and forced into what I was about to say next. But I don’t know why I didn’t get out of the car and run into my perfect little trailer to my mom, hug her tight and tell her what happened so that she could have the prick sent off to jail. But I was young, I was naive, I was high, and I was desperate for love that I was too young to understand or handle maturely. I let myself go.

“You’re right,” I said wearily, “forget that I said anything.”

I smiled at him and relaxed my legs.

He pulled away from my neck and smiled a cocky smile down at me.

“You sure?” he said, it wasn’t exactly a question per say because he had already started taking off his pants and was finishing undoing mine before he could say “sure?”.

“Babe, slow down I-”

He rammed into me then and I spent most of the time panting and screaming and moaning. Sometimes simultaneously. Which, in time, actually did end up exhausting me.

It seemed as though he were just ramming and ramming and ramming himself into me over and over again with no specific purpose or even pleasure! I hated it, but I didn’t want to stop him. I felt that I owed it to him. Why did I feel like I owed anything to him? At the time I did not know but later on I would have let him ram into me a million more times. Okay maybe not a million- but I wouldn’t change anything for the world.

He had been at his ramming for quite some time before the door was jerked open by a red eyed perspiring father who just so happened to have a shotgun in his hand.

“Dad!” I shouted for no particular reason except that I was surprised but not all that shocked to learn that he had heard us.

And of course the fact that Jason was still well into his ramming when the door was opened.

“Get The Hell Off Of My Daughter!” he bellowed as he cocked his shotgun to scare the boy.

“Whoa! What the fuck! Chill dude!” Jason shouted. He scrambled out of the car pants-less and slightly panicked.

“Did you- Dude?” my father was speechless towards Jason’s informally addressing my father as “Dude”. “I’ll show you a dude!”

He aimed his gun upwards and fired. Jason, frightened by my fathers crazed state and his gun, jumped into the drivers seat, screamed at me to get out of the car, threw my shorts out the window, and gunned for highway I3.

And that, my friends, is how I lost my virginity and ended up with a nice little surprise a month and a half later.

Or lack there of.

Three months later…

I hadn’t seen Jason in over two months and when I finally did see him again I was slightly heavier (not very noticeable unless said person was super picky) and “glowing” according to his diagnosis. I had to sneak out late and meet him at the state park. My father hadn’t quite gotten over the scene he had come across and the fact that I was “knocked up” didn’t help him cope.

When I reached the park and found the swing set we would usually meet at I saw him sitting on either one and I noticed that he had let his hair grow out and that it was now braided to his scalp. He looked just as unusual now as he did the last time I saw him. And I’ll never understand why he chose cornrows for his thick curly red hair.

“You pregnant?” Jason said after I sat down next to him on a swing and told him the news. “How do I know you ain’t been screwin’ around while I was gone?”

I was surprised he even accused me of this. For one: I wasn’t the screw around type; and two: I had been in pain and screaming the whole time while we had done it. Why the hell would I have done it again!

But I didn’t bring up this little tidbit because I was afraid I would upset him. So instead I said…

“Maybe you would know if you had stuck around.” it was more of a mutter but he heard me just the same.

He bolted up from his swing and grabbed me painfully by my elbow.

“Have you been fuckin’ another guy, Emily?” he hissed at me. Pulling me so close I could feel the spit that escaped his mouth.

I tried to yank my arm back but he pulled me closer and grasped my arm tighter.

I let out a short wail.

“Answer me.” he said frighteningly calm.

“No! Let me go! I demand.

“Was that an answer?”

I sucked in a deep breath.

“You were my first and my last.” I said, “Please let me go, now.”

He practically tossed me away when he let go. He started to pace and mutter incoherent things.

He stopped, finally, after a few minutes of pacing and looked at me. He stared at me with a look that held sadness, regret, contempt, enmity, and wanting all at once.

“We’re gonna have to get married,” he said, “ you know that right?”

I stared at him, stunned and amused, and slowly wrapped my arms around him.

“I know. But my parents won’t let me marry you.” I said. “It would be like giving their baby a loaded gun to them.”

He stared at me thoughtfully for a long time. Which surprised me because he never liked to look me in the eye. Especially with remorse.

“We’ll elope then.” he said matter of factually. No emotion, no happiness.

“You don’t want to marry me.” I said quietly. It hurt that he “loved” me enough to have sex but not enough to marry me when there was a growing child involved.

He took my chin firmly between his fingers and made me face him.

“I do want to marry you.” he said with a slightly indignant smile. “I love you, girl, you know that.”

He seemed to be forcing the words to form between his lips. ‘Did he want to physically hurt me?’ I thought, ‘No, surly he’s just overwhelmed but the sudden news of his becoming a dad.’

I told my self lies like these very often when I didn’t want to believe in the evil that really was this world. I gently took his fingers away from my chin and touched my lips lightly to his.

“Alright. When can we go?”

He thought about it for a couple of seconds then nodded to himself.

“I need to get a few things settled first,” he said, “We’re gonna drive down to Vegas to elope and then I wanna drive up to California to get my acting career kicked off so I can support you and the baby.”

I nodded in agreement.

He had told me once that he dreamed of becoming the biggest movie star in the world. Bigger than Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt put together. This was another thing about him that didn’t quite match his looks nor his personality, but I just told him that that was fantastic and I wished him luck.

“It’s gonna take me about five months to get things together,” he said, “ you think you’ll be alright?”

I nodded and he kissed my forehead. He seemed to want to get away from me as soon as he could because right after he kissed me he left. No goodbye or can’t wait or anything. He just left, nearly running away even.

I saw him drive off, tires screeching, into the night. Leaving me pregnant and alone on a beautiful starry night.

When I made my way back into the trailer I thought about Jason and how I was going to leave my family to be with him. Should I tell them? Should I not? I really didn’t want to up and leave them in the middle of the night. But I didn’t want to face what could only end up being a loud and angry vocal dispute over my well being and the baby’s, and the fact that they thought they knew what kind of guy Jason really was and how he wouldn’t- couldn’t support me financially, or emotionally. I just couldn’t deal with it.

I later came to the conclusion that I would lie.

Tell them that I was going to spend the night at a friends (preferably Bethany, since they actually liked her) and I would call and explain everything after Jason and I were bound.

It felt like the perfect plan.

And it would be the perfect plan.

Five months later…

I was seven months pregnant and hating it.

I couldn’t sleep comfortably on my stomach like I liked and so I was forced to lie flat on my back or on my side. Which I hate.

I ate too much and my feet would swell so badly I couldn’t fit a pair of my favorite shoes!

Oh! the horror! The agony! Not my shoes!

But of course I packed them anyway because I was not going to leave them with my mother (who had been eying them ever since we bought them). I was sure my swelling would stop after the baby was born.

And then, of course, there was the weight gain.

I had noticed, during my packing, that I couldn’t take a very large bag with me because I had told my parents I would only be staying with Bethany for about two days. I would have to really pack some stuff in there to have enough clothing and toiletries for the road trip.

After I finished packing my mom drove me to Bethany’s house, we said our quick goodbyes and separated. I wasn’t all that surprised that she hadn’t known I’d been lying to her. I had called Jason before we left the house to tell him that I was on my way. As soon as my mother left he pulled out from behind an abandoned building close by and stopped  the car to get out and to help with my luggage.

“You should’ve brought more than one bag, Emmy.” is all he said to me after he loaded my bag into the trunk.

“I told my mom I was only staying for a few days,” I explained, “ I didn’t want to look suspicious having three bags for less than a weeks stay.”

He didn’t look at me, touch me, or even act like he was happy to see me.

“Whatever. Get in the car we don’t have all day.”

And so we got into his Camaro and started on our way towards our new life with our new baby and wonderful future ahead of us.

It had been around seven o’clock in the evening when we had started our departure and Jason had driven us at least six hours before he claimed to be tired and stopped off at a motel across from a run down looking Walmart somewhere in the middle of Idaho.

“Come on,” Jason said as we got out of the car, “I want to get a play before I hit the sack.”

It took me a few minutes to understand what he meant and when I finally did I was frightened by the idea.

We were in the room when I spoke up.

“Jason, I can’t have sex with you,” I said carefully and quietly, “it might hurt the baby and I don’t like the way it feels.”

He dropped the bags on the floor with a loud ‘boom!’ as if he forced them from his hands like you would a basketball and stared at me, hate filling his eyes.

“You’ll get used to the sex, Emily,” he said with calm contempt, “I need you…now… and you expect me to wait until…when?”

“Until I’m ready. Jaso-”


“Yes! But it’s not just for me-Jason think of the baby-”

“I don’t give a shit about that baby!” he shouted. “Get your ass over here!”

I stared at him with what I’m sure was a blank expression. And I backed away from him towards the door.

“No.” I said in a tone just as plain as my face.

“No…” he said in a low threatening voice. He started towards me- first slowly- then he noticed my quickening pace and pounced. “No,no,no! Come here, Emmy, baby, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

I wasn’t fast enough to reach the door before he caught me, trapped me- knocking hard to the floor. He held my wrist painfully to hardwood that made the floor of the motel room. I attempted to scream but he covered my mouth with his own and hiked up dress his knee.

I fought him, I fought him as hard as I could, but I was so tired. I had barely slept in the car and I was so hungry. I was too weak to get away from him.

And he said he didn’t care about our baby?

Would he ram into me hoping to abort my pregnancy?

The thought made me fight him harder and longer and I even bit his tongue! I bit down so hard I felt my bottom and upper teeth meet. I tasted his blood as his mouth bled out between the corners of his mouth. But he kept going!

That had been one of the traits I liked about him; his persistence.

But now I hated it. I wanted him weak, I wanted him dead!

He finally rammed himself into me and I couldn’t help but scream through my nose. It wasn’t as loud as a vocal scream but it helped distract me from the horrible pain he was purposefully inflicting on me.

He had gone at it for several hours before he was satisfied. He fell asleep soon after and took up most of the bed so that I wasn’t comfortable the whole night.

The next morning I was awakened by a hard nudging to my ribs. It was Jason kicking me.

“Wake up!” he said, “I need you to go across the street and get yourself some more clothes.”

I got up, dressed, felt relief that the baby had moved a little in the process, and headed over to Walmart.

I never liked Walmart; I always saw odd people in there: some hardly wore clothes, some wore too many clothes, children screamed for useless toys while their mothers ignored them. It all gave me a headache.

Jason had given me sixty dollars to get myself a few things: a bag, underwear, a couple of dresses, and get the hell out of there-were his exact orders.

I spent at least two hours in the store racking up a total of forty-five ninety. I felt relieved to know that I would go back to Jason with fair change, I felt like he would, somehow, be proud of me.

But when I walked out of the store, which was, thankfully, fairly empty, I didn’t see the Camaro.

I didn’t worry about it though, I just went back to the room.

I tried the door but it was locked.

I looked in the window.

No bags and no sign of Jason.

I started to panic- hyperventilate, and my feet were starting to swell.

This was not going to be a good day. Was what I had been thinking when I felt my feet start to swell

I went to ask the man at the counter if he had seen a man I described as Jason.

“Yeah he done checked out an hour ago.” said the counterman.

I said thank you in the most amiable way that could to keep myself from crying in front of the stranger, and I walked off in search of a place for myself to sleep.

When I had gone a few miles my feet started to hurt and  numbed to the point where I just couldn’t go on anymore. I sat down by the side of the road with my large bag full of clothes and my fourteen dollars and ten cent stuffed inside my bra.

I was hungry but I didn’t know how long I would have to travel so I pushed the thought of food out of my head. I embraced my legs pulling them close to my chest, folded my arms across the top of my knees, and laid my head down to cry myself to sleep

Sometime later, a little before twilight, a black Range Rover slowed to a stop a few yards away from me on the same side of the road. I heard the door open then close, I heard his footsteps come towards me with a couple reluctant pauses every few steps. I heard all of this but I did not care to look up at the stranger. I had only looked up to see if the car was his Camaro. But it wasn’t him, and so I let my head fall back onto arms.

He stopped few feet away and, assuming by the fact that he was silent, he just stared at me.

“Miss?” said a clear young manly man-like voice.

I slowly looked up at him; he was tall (at least from the ground), his skin was a little tanner than Jason’s, his hair was dark with soft curls that fell slightly above his shoulders, and his eyes were an interesting gold-like hazel.

My face must have given my physical condition away because he stood up straighter and looked me directly in the eye.

“You need some help.” he said. It wasn’t a question, it was a matter of factual diagnostic.

I nodded to him, still lost in his eyes. He didn’t sound mean or rude or disrespectful. Just careful, as if he would anger me with the slightest mistake in words.

He nodded back.

“My name is Alexander Penn.” he said with a smile. “Is there somewhere I can take you Miss…?”

“Emily Travis.”

“Right, Miss Travis, is there anywhere I can take you?”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to show up at home in a strangers car. A male stranger’s car.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’m currently living in on a large estate my father left to me…I inherited it along with his corporation that my uncle is now running until I turn twenty-one” he said, “it-it has a very nice guest house, a pool house, and then there’s the main house, where I stay…”

He paused for a moment thinking about how he should propose his offer.

Then he continued-

“I-I would very much appreciate another being on the estate with me other than my dog.” he said with a laugh.

I smiled, it was a weary one, but I smiled up at his kind face as he held out a hand to hoist me to my feet.

“Wow! how far along are you? If you don’t mind my asking.”

I shrugged.

What would be the point in not telling? I was going to be living at least on the same land with him, it only made sense to get to know each other.

“I’m seven months.” I said with a smile as I rubbed my baby bump. A little habit I had developed every time I thought about my baby.


I froze and started to stutter-

“I-I n-no I don’t really-I-I’m not-”

He stopped my rambling by placing a finger on my lips. His finger was soft and it smelled…interestingly sweet.

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” he asked instead.

I shook my head and turned to pick up my bag and carry it to the car.

“No, I’ve got it.  Just make yourself comfortable.”

I gave him the bag and placed myself in the passenger seat of his Rover.

When he settled himself in he drove off in the direction towards his home.

My new home.

Our new home.

My hand never left my belly the whole drive through.


I never thought I would be so happy with Alex, he was so good to me. He was kind to Will- the Son I never knew I was having- as well that strangers would often walk past them assuming he was his father. Will was a beautiful pale baby with hair as red as father’s and eyes a bright green like mine. He was very talkative for a three month old and he loved to argue with me about God knows what. Alex had been there during childbirth, I insisted that he stayed for the birth of the baby he saved. When I told him to stay his face lit up so bright I thought he would burst with happiness and for a second I had forgotten about the pains of an on-coming baby and gazed only at Alex as he walked back to my side and took my sweaty little hand in his. I looked into his eyes as he held my hand and I thought of all of the things I had learned about him from the two months I had spent with him before Will. He had taught me many things from cooking to the rules of football. He hired me a tutor after learning that I was only fifteen, and till this day I still do not like history very much. But I loved math. I cherished the numbers and their formulas, the way the pi sign looked in the middle of certain equations. I loved numbers so much I told Alex that I would love to go to college to be a math professor. He laughed at me when I told him but he told me that I could do it. And I believed that he was right. That was also the moment we had our first kiss. He pulled me close to him and pressed his lips to mine, so gentle, yet so tender. I wanted him to want me, not the way Jason wanted, but I wanted Alex to actually love me for me, not my body. Alex knew about Jason and he very much hated him. But he didn’t wish that it never happened.

“Because I never would have met you if it weren’t for him.” he said, his lips barely kissing my ear as he uttered his true feelings. “Never shall there be remorse, Emily.” That same night we slept in each others arms, skin to skin, but no sex. And I was happy. Alex was happy. And Will kicked with joy at the idea of no longer being poked and kicked at.

He deserved to be in the delivery room with me, just as a husband should be with his wife.

I often thought about Jason and what happened to him. And one night, a month after Will was born, I saw him! He was an extra on Days Of Our Lives. He had only had twenty seconds of camera time but I saw him and quickly pointed him out to Alex.

“Wow… he is an odd looking fellow ain’t he?” Alex had said

We both laughed at the truth of his words while Jason bussed a table in a staged restaurant and made surprised faces when an argument broke out. I’ll never forget Jason. I’ll always love him, even if it’s only out of sympathy.

Alex proposed to me just a few weeks before today and I know I have done everything right. My mistakes, my debates, my baby, my Alex, my Jason. Everything is just right.

Alex said he would wait for me to come of age so that we could have a real marriage ceremony and even invite my parents down from Montana. Maybe even Jason as well.

But I do know that I am happy.

Alex takes care of me, so beautifully.  And my angel sent down to me, is the best baby boy I had ever known.

And I did not regret one thing that had happened to me last year.

Never will I feel remorse.

Never shall I regret my past.